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About Lesbians and Bi Girls

lisa
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Are you a pure Lesbian? That's a lesbian who's never slept with a man, of course.  You are unpure and contaminated if you have. And as for those greedy bisexuals.  Well, what about those bisexuals? Those betraying, confused, promiscuous, untrustworthy fence-sitters that crept into the jolly LGBT acronym but will never know how it feels to be truly oppressed.

What a joke. Bi folk get it twice of course, as well as straightforward homophobia, they also have to face biphobia from both the straight and gay community.

But what, exactly, is biphobia? Cheryl Dobinson describes it simply as "any type of discrimination, oppression or prejudice that is directed at or specifically affects bisexual people." The 'hilarious' Gold Star Lesbian label, for example. And if it's not prejudice masquerading as humour, it's prejudice wrapped in ignorance.

There's this presumption that bisexuality is a transient phase that you dip in and out of, explains Leeds student Laura Nieurzyla. Like the time my mum asked me if I was still bisexual because I was currently involved with a man, or when my gay friend seriously asked me if I would identify as gay if my next relationship was with a woman. It isn't meant nastily, but can still get a bit tedious.

So let's set some bi myths uh, straight. Yes, some people genuinely do feel attraction to both men and women. No, it's not a phase, or greed, or indecision. No, they don't all need to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. Yes, they are just as faithful as anyone else. No, you're not likely to catch more diseases from them, because no, they're not any more likely to be promiscuous.

And the greatest myth of all? That there just aren't many bisexual women around. Actually, in a recent US study, two-thirds of self-defined lesbians reported feelings of attraction to men. Yikes.

Bisexual lesbians

The study published in Explaining Diversity in the Development of Same-Sex Sexuality Among Young Women by Lisa M. Diamond and Ritch C. Savin-Williams involved interviewing 100 women over two years. The scientists found that two thirds of the 34 women who identified as lesbian reported periodic attractions to men.

One study is interesting but not terribly statistically significant; however, it's not the only report to find that self-identified lesbians sometimes feel attraction to men. A separate paper published in 1994, for example, found that of the 4.4% of American women who reported experiencing same-sex attraction, 94% were also attracted to men.

So if lesbians are sometimes attracted to men, does it follow that straight women are sometimes attracted to other women? Yes. In fact possibly as many as 84% of heterosexual women experience same-sex attraction. However, as Lisa Diamond notes, "A reliable answer to this question is elusive, given the stigma that prevents heterosexual women from readily acknowledging same-sex attractions."

But back up. What does this all mean? How can 66% of lesbians - let alone 95% - be attracted to men? That would make them bisexual for a start, not lesbian, surely? Well, no actually.

Lesbian subculture

'Lesbian' means so much more than just being attracted to people of the same gender as yourself. It's a subculture. You might not like everything or everyone that shares your subculture, but there is still an underlying solidarity and strength to it that we are all part of. Being a lesbian means knowing that there are bars, towns, TV programmes and haircuts that are yours. Yes they might be crap, but they're yours. They're ours. So is it so difficult to understand why so many lesbians are unwilling to give all this up, just because they sometimes fancy men?

"I don't think I would ever tell my mates I sometimes fancy blokes," explains a woman in her twenties who has asked not to be named. "I know they'd think I was 'letting down the side' and I'm scared I'd lose them."

"I think that the idea of bisexuality can be very threatening and challenging to lesbians," adds Cheryl. "Some lesbians feel that bisexual women are traitors or betrayers because we can love women, but can also 'sleep with the enemy.'"

Lesbianism as a political rather than an emotional or social act definitely gives a new slant to some lesbians' feelings about bisexuality. As Cheryl explains, "there can be concerns about the political implications [of bisexuality], with some lesbians seeing bisexuals as blurring boundaries/muddying the waters and potentially weakening the queer political cause. I've heard this called something like 'diluting' the movement."

Oh, and a favorite [stereotype] of mine is the idea that bisexual women could be lesbians if only we were stronger or more politically aware or what-have-you. Sort of assuming that we need to have our consciousnesses raised kind of thing, or that we're weak lesbians."

Getting over it

Much as homophobia is often an indication of latent homosexual desire, perhaps gay and straight people are sometimes biphobic because they haven't dealt with their own bisexual desires, and the thought of getting with a guy/girl both attracts and repels them.

But how can we overcome our internalized biphobia without losing our lesbian cultural identity? The answer might be to stop thinking so rigidly about sexuality. Several social scientists point to the concept of a 'lesbian continuum' as a better way of interpreting female sexuality than the strict boundaries of gay, bi or straight, a theory that has been absorbed by some LGBT people under the umbrella term queer.

Regardless of whether you believe that you might be a teeny bit attracted to men yourself, or whether the idea appalls your sense of what it is to be a lesbian, the fact remains that there are plenty of women out there who identify as bisexual, and experiencing biphobia is having a negative effect on their health.

Cheryl is a queer health researcher as well as a zine writer. "I can tell you that on many mental health measures - depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidality research shows that bisexual people tend to report higher rates than both straight and gay people," she says.

"I think that the reasons are primarily related to biphobia, and that we should all be aware of this and be concerned about the damage that biphobia can have." In other words, no it's not 'harmless fun'.  And please, no more with the lame "pure" lesbian jibes.
Tagged in: Bi curious Bisexual Lesbian Opinion sexuality

Comments

  • Cheryl Priest
    Cheryl Priest Sunday, 07 November 2010

    As a bisexual young woman I have faced so many complications as far as my sexuality and gender identity goes, and it’s hard not to get angry at the rest of the world sometimes, because it gives me a break from being angry at myself for not fitting in anywhere. In my experience, if you find a subculture (LGBT, gothic, fetish, whatever) that suits you, you can find friends and partners relatively easily, but it does mean if you have feelings that go against your group culture then you face difficulties. Heck, I like men AND women, I’m good at arts AND science, I eat vegan food AND steak, I like going to gigs AND waking up without a hangover or neurological impairment the next morning. My goodness, do I piss people off. I spread confusion and anger just by being myself, and I KNOW it. I don’t hate others because they can’t understand me, I don’t even really understand myself. I find that men get angry with me if I don’t want to randomly sleep with them, and find that women get angry if I accidentally glance at their breasts. Do I like being this way? Of course not. I wish I could find one thing and stick to it, truncate half of my identity and find peace and a place where I’m accepted for who I am (or who I become once I limit myself in order to be accepted). But I can’t, because a part of me is really attracted to beautiful, feminine women, a part of me really loves the intellectual and physical qualities of masculinity - and I’m neither, I have none of those qualities myself. Some straight men think that bisexual women are kinky, which is maybe true but only a part of it. I’m human, I feel so much pain and suffering because of my orientation, my image, my beliefs, my identity - even though these are things I was born with and therefore cannot change. Best of both worlds? Yeah right…

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  • Rachel
    Rachel Sunday, 07 November 2010

    By no means all lesbians hate bisexuals. I am extremely grateful for the support and friendship of some lesbians.

    Where I have seen biphobia it tends to be based on the following premises:

    1) Bisexuals are just experimenting.
    As this article hints, a lot of confusion stems from people seeing bisexuality as an experiment rather than a legitimate identity. Some women do experiment with other women at points in their life, i.e. as part of a wider rethink of their identity. It’s a normal part of the process of coming of age, or coming out of a relationship, where you strive to do things you wouldn’t normally do, or wouldn’t have done when you were in a couple, and I don’t think it is something to be condemned or sneered at. To me, though, identifying as bisexual based on being attracted to both sexes over a prolonged period is something a bit different, and often resentment arises from people being unable to distinguish the two.

    2) Bisexuals just want men
    Not true. Plenty of bisexuals are in long-term relationships with women. And yes, some do come to identify as lesbian.

    3) Bisexuality is just titilation for men
    Actually, straight men can be just as, if not more, biphobic than lesbians. Some may go along with lad-mag engineered bravado about g-o-g porn and threesomes because culturally they are expected to, but when push comes to shove (so to speak) they can’t handle it. Bisexuality is *not* a prop for male titilation, and when they realize this (and the political/philosophical implications) it actually makes them very insecure. I’ve heard the “Shouldn’t you just decide?” speech from more men than women.

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  • TP Riordan
    TP Riordan Sunday, 07 November 2010

    I agree with a lot of what people have said in these comments, and I find biphobia as irritating as the next sane individual.

    However - and I’m trying to word this as delicately as possible, because I honestly mean no offence to bisexuals - there are quite a few people who claim to be bisexual when they are not. That doesn’t mean that bisexuality is bad - it means that there are straight people who adopt the label because they feel that gives them an okay to try it out with the same sex, and then drop it as soon as they’ve tried it and realised it isn’t really their thing. And that’s often very hurtful for the unsuspecting girl/woman who’s been “tried out”.

    I’m not saying that this justifies biphobic behaviour - far from it - but it might account for some of it. I’d venture that it’s more common among young people (this has happened to me twice), which might be why for some people the prejudice carries into their adult lives.

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  • Omayra
    Omayra Wednesday, 17 November 2010

    Cherylp you could not have explained it more better than you just did, I totally agree with you. Your words were perfect!

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  • Rachel
    Rachel Tuesday, 30 November 2010

    Wow...1st of all wonderful article. 2nd, I am bicurious. Not completely bisexual or even lesbian but I have often wondered. There are things that have happened to me that makes me lean towards being lesbian but idk and that is why I am here: to get answers. And its articles like this that make me so happy that I live in the USA (I was born in Brazil)...so thank you so much!

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  • freckles79
    freckles79 Saturday, 11 December 2010

    i am also bicurious im not just experimenting, i am truly atracted to women, just never had the opperunity to be woth a woman

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  • Rachel
    Rachel Tuesday, 08 February 2011

    Cherylp, your amazing. Thank you for speaking so whole-souledly. I feel the same way sometimes. I guess it comes down to being comfortable with who you are and just screw the rest.

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  • Julia
    Julia Tuesday, 01 March 2011

    I also grew up struggling with my sexual identity. I came to the realization that I was bisexual at the age of sixteen. My first experience with a female was with my best friend. It was a mind opening experience considering I did not know she was bisexual and also that she taught me so many amazing things. My family unfortunately has not been very supportive (they are very traditional) so for awhile I was left alone in the world so to speak to deal with my identity. At this point, though I wish I had their support I know I must do things for myself and not for them. This site has allowed me to open myself up to women who are just like me and has given me an amazing support structure and a loving blanket of tenderness and care. I love you all.

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  • Guest
    girl looking women Wednesday, 28 September 2011

    I am a long time watcher and I just considered I’d drop by and say hello for that very first time. I seriously get pleasure from your posts. Thanks

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